Boldly Imperfect

Change is a key part of life. It breathes with us. It blossoms with us. Every step we take and moment we experience has an undercoating of change. Some changes are more obvious than others. Some halt you in your tracks, while others, whisper in the winds. We only seem to notice the big ones. Yet, every day we are circled by it. We all grow older slowly. The colors and seasons change in nature. These subtle differences do not raise our alarms until they become loud. Until they become big. We notice when Cindy chops her hair off and Steve gets a motorcycle after turning 50. Yet, we don't see tiny fragments of growth in the blades of grass we walk through every day. We do not notice the miles creeping up on our cars. So, why is it that the big and sudden changes can feel so brutal? Change is an effective tool to snap you out of your dulled haze of mundane. When you are forced to look around and face the shifts happening all the time, you have to accept what you have been oblivious to. In my own life, I recently experienced a time of catastrophic, complete and total change-hitting like bullets into a target. All at once, everything was different. All at once, I was different. I think sudden large changes scare us because we did not expect them. But if we are honest, there are always little whispers we ignore before the windstorm. I used to be so scared of change. I was so scared of losing control. I think it took experiencing it so brutally and wondrously all together, for me to see its beauty. Change is hard and it can be painful. Yet, the world "changed" when Jesus died on the cross did it not? A painful and seemingly dark change that actually saved humanity. A baby was born in a manger in the middle of nowhere with no one caring about what was happening and YET, the world was forever changed. Christmas is next week. Crazy right? But it is. It marks a day when everything changed in the history of humanity. I think it is safe to say giving birth did not feel pleasant for Mary. Does that mean it was bad? You know the answer. A beautiful shift in the universe to allow for salvation and restoration with God and yet it also coincided with pain and agony. Change may hurt but it births breakthrough. The most brutal of pivots can create the most beautiful of paradises. I don't know who needs to hear that this Christmas season. I know I did. Sometimes we need to be reminded that God is bigger than what we can see. He is making a way for new beautiful things that will bring him glory. "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast," - 1 Peter 5:10 NIV "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace," - Isaiah 9:6 NIV. Merry Christmas! In His love, Sarah Hill Founder of BTDM

BTDM Fam, Life hurts. I mean sometimes, it feels like a wrecking ball to your lungs that just keeps swinging. Other times, it is like a splinter that just keeps sinking deeper and deeper. It hurts and it's infuriating, and yet there are times when you can do nothing to resolve it. I recently got a splinter in my finger that kept evading me. It was like the tweezers went right through it and no matter what I did, it burrowed deeper in. Until I had a disgusting, swollen, and bruised finger. I was so annoyed. All of this, while walking my family's ranch looking for their runaway cat. The last thing I needed was a throbbing hand. It was not the time, and I was not here for it. How often does life feel that way? How often do we look up at God and beg him to take out the splinter, when life is not going the way we planned? What do you do when the splinter doesn't come out? In this season of my life, I am experiencing major answered prayers and joys. My first poetry collection is about to be published on November 13th! God is good and he is moving and yet... the bad is still there too. In the midst of the good, my entire world got turned upside down by circumstances that I never foresaw. I found myself constantly anxious, heartbroken, and captive, to this crippling fear of the unknown. I was disappointed by the evil of this world, and I was disgusted that bad things could happen to innocent hearts. That splinter, it HURT. The truth? It still does. But I have learned that despite the waves of night, the moon still lights the way. Despite the pain of a splinter, your heart still beats in your chest. We become so focused on the things that aren't going how we had hoped that we forget to see the beautiful things still happening. Like a baby learning to laugh for the first time. The rain watering a dying flower. Wind brushing your hair from your eyes. There is good. This month, I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. Paul suffered from a physical calamity of some kind and in that suffering he wrote, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ESV. Maybe, just maybe, the splinter is hurting because our attempts to pull it out are actually sinking it deeper. Maybe what will truly relieve the pain is not to try and fix it ourselves, but to hand the tweezers to our Divine Physician. In the situation in my life right now, I feel more powerless than I ever have. I cannot fix this. I cannot relieve the pain. All I can do is surrender. Why is it that we think we are more qualified to fix the problem, than the one who wrote our very DNA? When we take a step back, we may see that the problem we thought we were fixing, we were actually making worse. I picked at the splinter in my finger with those tweezers so much, the pain of the tweezers had me convinced the splinter was still there. Long after the thing that caused the pain was gone, I was still trying to fix it. I was digging a hole for a problem that had already been solved. When I stopped fighting it myself, it began to heal. I don't know what is happening in your world today, but perhaps God is asking you to put down the tweezers. Maybe the answer to the disappointment and pain you feel, is actually just to surrender so God can heal it. The hurt only has power when you focus on it. The healing only comes when you trust the process. Oh, disappointment, where is your sting? I surrender to the King of Kings. In His love, Sarah Hill Founder of BTDM

Fireworks will light the skies in the coming days. A symbol of the bloodshed and sacrifice of our USA armed forces. A beacon to represent our beautiful nation. Our country will celebrate freedom once again! Yet are we truly free? I am captivated by this question more every day as I see yet another pastor's moral failure, political disaster, or broken human's actions. The truth is that we are not living in true freedom. We are all in chains to something. Jesus is clear that he came to set the captives free (Luke 4:18). Yet, we live in bondage. We live as anxious, depressed, stressed, and burnt-out humans, instead of flourishing, joyful and vibrant creations. Why? Because there is a very real enemy. Not the little cartoon devil we portray as our enemy, but in fact a powerful, diligent, and wicked being, whose entire goal is to destroy you (John 10:10), (Ephesians 6:12). Not the same mental picture, huh? Yet, it is true. A real and ever-present spiritual realm exists, and there are beings doing everything they can to ensnare and torment God's children. Why on earth do we live as though the biggest enemy in our lives is other humans? Because that is what they want. The kingdom of darkness thrives when we focus on that politician we disagree with, the "selfish" neighbor who always parks in front of our house, the sin we keep behind locked doors, that person from church that we think is the biggest church Chad or mean girl ever, the hate speeches we post on social media. Every time we make someone else the enemy, we give the true enemy a pass to keep winning. Can we please stop letting Satan win? Now hear me, frustration can be a healthy emotion. Even Jesus experienced anger. However, when we dwell on the people who annoy us, we give battle ground to the one seeking to destroy us. How often do we project our own brokenness onto others? Or how often do we neglect our own areas of bondage, because we are focused on the speck in our brother's eye? (Matthew 7:3-5). I say all this, to encourage you that now is the time to focus on getting well. Now is the time to find new levels of freedom. In America, we are free from Great Britain but are we free in our hearts? I am releasing an ebook soon that is a beginner's guide to inner healing ministry. If you don't know where to start or how to possibly get free, maybe this book can give you a starting point. More will be released on this soon. My hope is that as the fireworks go off this 4th, we are reminded of this truth and moved towards greater levels of true freedom. Let Freedom Ring! In His love, Sarah Hill Founder of BTDM

BTDM Fam, Lately, I have been deeply struck by the reality of who we represent as Christians. I could name recent instances in the news, where I have been grieved by the false and hateful representation of Christianity. A representation that has been put forth not by unbelievers, but by CHRISTIANS. I am not here to name when or where, but rather to address this stirring in my spirit. A stirring that I believe the Lord is challenging us with this month. We are going to dive deep into the Word today together, not to preach at you (I never intent to make you feel like I'm coming at ya!) but to equip you with where the Bible stands on this issue. Today is a long conversation but stick with me! It gets good! Who do you represent? I think oftentimes, we get so caught up in taking a stand for what we are against, that we forget to stand up for what we are FOR. The Bible is clear about holding true to your convictions and not being like the world but set apart. Yet, we seem to overlook John 13:34-35. "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another." - John 13:34-35 ESV. So, why is it that we think whoever screams the loudest against sin is somehow the most Christ-like? I challenge you today. What chapter and verse did Jesus condemn and tear down the sinner? I can guarantee that it does not exist. However, we do see verses where Jesus calls out and convicts people. Care to guess who? Jesus is seen standing against one people group: the Pharisees. Which, were the religious elders of that time. The most holy, law-knowledgeable individuals were the least Christ-like of their time. They consistently ridiculed, harmed, and ostracized sinners. Matthew 23 is an excellent example of how Jesus addressed their religious superiority. Matthew 23:13, "But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people's faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those would enter to go in." Jesus spoke against the Pharisees, but he welcomed the sinners close--so that they may see his kindness and then change their ways. (Romans 2:4, "...God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance."--we could have a whole other discussion on those who knowingly reject God's kindness and continue to sin but that is not today's conversation). John 8:7, "And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” Luke 6:41, "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?" Luke 6:35-36, "But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful." (*NOTE: when Paul speaks on judging others, he intentionally specifies that the ONLY people we are to "judge" or really hold accountable, are those in the church with us. In that day, those in the church are those you would have had a deep and personal relationship with. So, he is not saying to judge that stranger making controversial posts on social media. Just for clarification's sake) -1 Corinthians 5:12. The Lord has blessed me with rich encounters that illustrate this truth firsthand. I could list dozens, but a specific one comes to mind. When I was young, I connected to people all across the world on social media who were fellow swifties (Taylor Swift fans) like me. One instance rattled me forever. A young man messaged me whom I had spoken to off and on previously. He told me that he was shocked to learn I was a Christian, because I was too kind to be one. This broke my heart. He then told me he was considering transitioning and asked me what the Bible says about it and if Jesus would still love him. We had a deep and loving conversation about God's design and hope for his children. The young man did do an upper transitional surgery to begin the process of becoming a transwoman but continued messaging me with questions. Months later, he made the decision to reverse the surgery because his spirit had been moved so much by the love of God. This cost him his current relationship, but he still did it, because he knew who he was, and the scales were falling off. I was enamored with the power of Christ. I never would have had those conversations with this individual, had I not first been a kind light regardless of our obvious difference in beliefs. I have not viewed conversations the same since. I did not do anything spectacular. All I did was be kind, and answer questions with a balance of love and truth. God did the rest. Friends. I ask you to look honestly at yourself today. Are you representing Christ? Are you showing kindness and love to those around you? Especially to those you do not agree with. Not that you are neglecting truth, because Jesus always shared the truth with sinners, BUT he did it after first welcoming them with kindness. Or, if you are honest, do you look more like the Pharisees most days then you'd care to admit? It hurts my heart to see Christians harming people in God's name and calling it holy. We all fall short of the glory of God and we all desperately need our Savior. May we be far more Christian than we are Pharisean. Remember, you never know if the sinner you condemn is meant to be a giant of the faith one day. Yet, they will never have a desire to know God, if those who represent him, do it so very poorly. I know this conversation is heavy, but sometimes we need to sit in raw truth, and recognize that it is in self-evaluation and growth that we become more like Jesus. I hope these scriptures stirred something in your Spirit today just as they did in mine. May we represent him well. In His love, Sarah Hill Founder of BTDM

BTDM Fam, My friend died last week. Only 3 years apart from my last friend whose life ended tragically. And here I was just sitting at work with more joy than I had felt in years, when the message comes through: he is gone. What do we say in those moments? We know the scriptures. God is close to the brokenhearted, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death…his rod and staff comfort us, and more and more. Yet, when the grief roars like a lion and you feel your heart shattering with every breath, what can truly be said? There are no words. Even more than I am heartbroken for my own loss of a friend, of a brother figure in my life, I am gut wrenchingly devastated for his family. And I sit in this place now of just utter unbelief. Despair. Of wondering, why? And it is in this place, where we hide ourselves away. We slam the door to our hearts and refuse to let anybody touch those places. Most of all, we don’t let God in. Cause he let it happen. And if we are honest, we are far more angry with him than we want to admit. But we say we aren’t, because good little Christians don’t get angry with God. Right? And yet, God most wants to be in THAT place with you. The corners of your heart that just want to scream at him and demand why. He’s in that place. Can you see him? Standing over you, wrapping around you, catching every tear, taking every punch. It’s okay if you can’t see him or feel him. I’m not about to say it’s easy to recognize in the moment. It’s not. But he is there. He is right there in your least perfect Christian places. In the spots of your heart that ache and scream. Jesus loves that version of you. And he is with you in that room. So then what? Then slowly, over a lot of time, we take his hand. And then little by little… we start to heal. It does not ever make what happened okay. My friends deaths will never be anything but tragedies and scars in my heart. But that does not mean I won't heal. It does not mean good won't come from the agony. In my experience, it isn’t a roaring moment of healing. It’s puzzle pieces being pieced back in your heart. Never quite how they were, but painting a new picture now. You will be a new painting of God’s faithfulness. Because even though it feels like he did this to you. He did not. Whatever the deep agony that sits on your heart today may be, God may have allowed it by giving us free will, but it was the work of the evil one. Your Father just says, Just be. And let me just be with you. No instant scripture bandaid or well-meaning statement Christians like to give us--that tell you to pray the grief or anger away. Not from Jesus. He just sits with you and reminds you he loves you and he is with you. There will be time for scripture, for speaking out promises, for prayer, but today you sit. Today sit and let him hold you. He did not cause the pain but he is the answer for it's mending. We have a new podcast coming out soon called “Hope in Healing.” And those conversations will be like this one. Because the church spends far too much time giving answers that don’t help and far too little time actually healing where it hurts—The way, only Jesus can heal. So let’s heal together. One day at a time. One conversation at a time. Will you allow me the honor to sit in those places with you from afar? Together, we will begin a journey toward the hope found only in healing. In His love, Sarah Hill Founder of BTDM

This post discusses the season of "unknown" and uses silly metaphors to communicate on the powerful truths of our God's power and omniscience.

Tell Your Great Physician Where The Pain Is